The Armor of Defensiveness — and the Path to Safe (Enough) Connection
Couples Therapy, Emotional regulation, Four Horsemen, Communication, Gottman Method, Recovery, Relational dynamics, Relationship Repair, Intensives & Retreats Maureen Gomeringer, MSW, LCSW, SEP Couples Therapy, Emotional regulation, Four Horsemen, Communication, Gottman Method, Recovery, Relational dynamics, Relationship Repair, Intensives & Retreats Maureen Gomeringer, MSW, LCSW, SEP

The Armor of Defensiveness — and the Path to Safe (Enough) Connection

Defensiveness is sustained by patterns of misunderstanding, chronic criticism, unmet emotional needs, and the quiet erosion of trust. Many couples fall into defensive cycles not because they lack love, but because they lack the safety to be honest without being hurt. Yet even when defensiveness has become an ingrained reflexive reaction, there is a way back to open communication. With awareness and gentleness, partners can begin to replace defensive armor with curiosity, blame with ownership, and fear with vulnerability. 

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The Sting of Criticism — and the Cure for Connection Loss.
Couples Therapy, Gottman Method, Communication, Four Horsemen Maureen Gomeringer, MSW, LCSW, SEP Couples Therapy, Gottman Method, Communication, Four Horsemen Maureen Gomeringer, MSW, LCSW, SEP

The Sting of Criticism — and the Cure for Connection Loss.

Why words that judge can wound deeply, but couples can rebuild trust through empathy and repair. Criticism is different from expressing a complaint because, by definition, it attacks a partner’s character or personality rather than focusing on a specific behavior or issue. When criticism becomes prevalent in communication, partners stop feeling heard and start feeling attacked.

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