Unnecessary Bracing: What is Preparatory Suffering?

Unnecessary Bracing: What is Preparatory Suffering?

Preparatory suffering is the habit driven by the belief that if I imagine every possible thing that could go wrong—if I rehearse the loss, the rejection, the disappointment, the catastrophe in vivid detail—then I won’t be blindsided when it happens. I’ll be ready. I’ll be less hurt. It sounds logical. It even sounds adaptive. Trauma taught many of us that danger comes without warning, that safety is fragile, that homeostasis can be revoked without notice. Of course our nervous systems want a head start.

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The Wounds of Co-Parenting Criticism — and healing balm of Respect, Restraint, and Repair.
Couples Therapy, Gottman Method, Communication, Four Horsemen, Parenting Maureen Gomeringer, MSW, LCSW, SEP Couples Therapy, Gottman Method, Communication, Four Horsemen, Parenting Maureen Gomeringer, MSW, LCSW, SEP

The Wounds of Co-Parenting Criticism — and healing balm of Respect, Restraint, and Repair.

When love between adults changes form, the task of co-parenting can test even the most well-intentioned. In moments of frustration or exhaustion, it can feel tempting to voice anger or disappointment about the other parent—especially when pain still lingers from a recent exchange, whether it’s this week or this morning. Yet when criticism of a co-parent happens in front of a child, it leaves marks deeper than either adult intends or even sees for some time.

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